Start Your Shopping Carts!
by Pancake3298
Summary: What happens when you put Lightning, Francesco, Chick, and Sally together in a Walmart? Things can get out of hand. A hilarious and epic one shot which includes a Lightsaber duel, tampons, whoopie cushions, fuzzy lamps, singing hamsters, and our favorite superstar racers! By MereMcQueen314 and Pancake3298.
1. Chapter 1

Alright. Don't take me as some crazy psychopath with this story, but Mere and I threw together this madness while we were both on some sugar high. Lol, I have no idea either. So, it's 50/50 credit to both of us...

Here's...

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_**Start Your Shopping Carts!**_

By: MereMcQueen314 and Pancake3298

It was another sunny day in LA, and it was another season race that Lightning was to attend to at the Los Angeles Motor Speedway. He brought Sally along for this race, but he didn't mention that his lifelong rival, Chick Hicks would be attending... They were going to be staying in the same hotel, and the race was tomorrow.

When Lightning and Sally step into the hotel suite, Sally realizes that they have absolutely NOTHING to eat, and they just wanted something quick.

"McDonald's for dinner?" Lightning suggests. It was 6PM.

"Sure, why not? Where's the closest one?"

Lightning pulls it up on his iPhone. "Um, the Walmart, across the street."

"Alright, let's go."

They go down to the lobby, but don't realize that Chick is there, watching them leave into Sally's car. 'Where could they be going?' he asks to himself. Chick jumps into his Buick and follows the blue Porsche Carrera.

"Across the street? To Walmart?" He says aloud, but decides to ruin their evening, being the insane lunatic he is.

Lightning hops out of the car and helps Sally out. They lock it up, then they are blinded momentarily by the bright LED lights inside of the superstore. There are barely any people shopping, which is very unusual for a Walmart smack dab in the middle of LA. Lightning spots the Mickey D's on the right, but his thoughts are interrupted by a familiar Italian superstar's voice.

"Lightning McQueen! Buona Sera!"

'Does he ALWAYS have to greet me like that?' he says internally. "Hey Francesco! What are YOU doing here?"

The brunette F1 racer approaches him and Sally with a smile. He ignores Lightning. "Salve, Signorina Sally." He reaches for her hand and kisses it gently. Sally blushes.

'Does he ALWAYS have to do that?' he asks himself again. "Hello?" Lightning states.

"Ah, si, Francesco had an interview here in-a America, that's why he's-a not home. Can't-a I go grocery shopping without being questioned?"

Lightning rolls his eyes.

"Don't-a you have a race tomorrow?"

"Yeah, actually an-" Lightning begins, but is cut off...

"WE have a race tomorrow!" Chick interrupts, and walks over to them.

"Chick? What are YOU doing here?" McQueen has his WTF face on...

"That's besides the point. Did you get enough practice, McQueen? How about a quick race?" He says, grabbing a shopping cart.

"A race!" Lightning shouts.

"In-a WALMART?"

"With carts!"

"Yeah. YOLO!" Chick says with his 'evil grin face' on.

... Ten minutes later ...

The three auto racing stars are lined up at the 'start' with their V12-turbo-charged shopping carts. Sally is holding a hideous floral print shower curtain, the only thing she could scavenge that would be a suitable flag.

'How did I get into this?'

'What am I doing-a here?'

'Let's start this crap!'

"Alright LADIES!" Sally starts, "This is IT. You're a BIG SHOT. The race... OF THE CENTURY!"

"GET ON WITH IT!" Shouts an impatient Chick.

"Alright, I've given you each a list of random things that are all placed around the store. You must find them all within the time limit of 25 minutes, nab them, then race back to me with your list checked off. Understand? There's employees, security guards, and the managers. At any cost, DO NOT get caught by them. Rules, you cannot bump, or flip another player's cart, or steal things from theirs. Got it? Okay! Whoever wins gets whatever they want from the McDonald's, and the loser has to wear a Batman suit, clown makeup, and go around town singing Rascal Flatts songs.

Start.. Your... Shopping Carts!"

Lightning makes engine sounds with his tongue, and Chick hops up and down. Francesco does The Sign of the Cross.

"On your mark, get set, GO!" Sally waves the shower curtain, and the three men, or should I say boys, take off in all directions.

Lightning looks at the list. The first item is bananas. Easy. He zooms for the grocery section. A lot of people are staring at him, and employees are already shouting at him to slow down, but somehow, he's determined to win this race. He's not sure why, he just knows it's going to be fun. Thankfully, Chick and Francesco were somewhere else, so he'll try his best to grab all of the things without interference from them.

Chick and Francesco are racing down the same aisle, and Chick starts to swerve in an attempt to knock him over. Francesco jumps off the cart, and holds it back while Chick runs into the women's lingerie section. Chick opens his eyes and sees Francesco zooming away with his coat hanger and triple D sized bra. Other items from the list.

"Damn you, crazy Italian! Son of a Buick!"

Francesco wiggles his eyebrows and loops around the corner.

Chick looks down at the pile of bras he's sitting in. Aha. Here we go. He grabs a handful while women shout at him. He starts to proceed towards electronics. He was now after a Spongebob Squarepants Season One DVD Boxed set. What was Sally thinking?

Suddenly, Chick feels a sharp pain slash through his right leg, and his whole thigh begins to shake like crazy. "LEG SPASM!" he screams, and flies into a stand of blueberry pies.

Lightning has already gotten about half of the things on his list, and it's been about ten minutes. He decides that he's doing good enough for a one minute break. After all, he just went to go fetch super plus tampons; something he's never done before. He spies an RC version of his race car, and heads over to check it out.

Francesco wheels through the toy section to look for a... Singing toy hamster. He sees some type of fat animal that resembles a hamster, so he figures it's close enough and throws it in the cart, whistling to himself. He rounds the corner and spots McQueen messing around with a toy of... his race car. Big surprise.

An idea hatches in his mind when he peers down at the bag of gummy bears in his cart. He tears open the bag quietly, grabs a handful, then throws them at Lightning's back, where they explode all over and fall in his shirt. Francesco, doubling in laughter, doesn't realize that there's a stand of whoopie cushions right behind him, and he knocks the whole thing over in a huge crash. Farting sounds are heard throughout the whole store, and Lightning falls to the ground in laughter.

Francesco is infuriated and throws a whoopie cushion at his face. Lightning gets hit, but grabs the cushion and runs off howling.

Sally, sitting down innocently at a bench in the front, keeps her eye on her watch and hears a thousand farting sounds from the corner of the store. She facepamls when she hears, "Cleanup on aisle 14."

But what Sally doesn't notice is a stampede of managers and security guards out of a side office. They disperse, and begin their hunt, too.

Chick quickly recovers and gets up from the gooey pie mess. He sees employees heading his way, so he makes a run for it.

"To the pregnancy test kits! Awaaayyyyy!" Chick shouts while people throw random items at him. "OW! WATCH IT, Grandma!"

Francesco finally catches up to Lightning. Once again, they're in the toy aisle. They had made a big loop. "I'm gonna get you for that hideous stunt with the gummy bears!" Lightning threatens.

"Io non penso!" (A.N. I don't think so. Plus further up, I quote straight from Star Wars! xD) Francesco reaches behind him for the first thing on the rack he can use as a weapon. He swiftly draws out... A green lightsaber! Perfect.

Lightning, seeing the hazard, ducks to get a double-sided, red saber. "You have met your match, fool!"

"It is-a useless to resist. Don't-a let yourself be destroyed!" Francesco 'slashes' Lightning's hand.

"Aaahhh!" Screams McQueen in fake pain.

"There is-a no escape, don't-a make me destroy you!"

"I... Can't let go!"

"Just-a give up and join me... Together we can-a end this-a destructive conflict." He swings his saber.

"You killed my father!"

"No, Francesco IS-A your father!"

Lightning screams in sheer agony.

"Muahahahaaaa! Hahhha-" Francesco then begins to violently cough, and he hits himself in the chest. "Scusi." Francesco hits Lightning's saber again and again until he stumbles back into a baby stroller. Francesco pushes the stroller and it rolls furiously towards the pillow aisle.

Feathers explode everywhere, and a red faced Lightning McQueen tries to ruffle the white mash out of his hair. That no good Italian WILL PAY.

Lightning sees authorities running towards him. He grabs the cart and zoops away.

Chick grabs a fluffy lamp and notices one last thing on the list. Constipation medicine, and he was in the clear!

"Hurry! Hurry! I need constipation medicine, and QUICKLY! My social life depends on it!" Chick shouts at the fat man behind the pharmacy desk.

The fat man grins in a creepy way. "Don't we all need it? Yeah it's a real life saver. Comes out perfectly smooth, with my favorite one. Now my friends don't make fun of my stench! Follow me."

Sally counts down the seconds until their time was up. She was starting to get worried, because there were no employees near. They were probably running around chasing them...

She spys Francesco first, (no surprise there), running up the big aisle on her right. Lightning pops up from around the corner, followed by Chick.

"Abort mission! RETREAT!" Lightning shouts as a flood of store officials follow the three of them. Sally gets up quickly and runs out the door to her Porsche. She never imagined in her wildest dreams that she would be in the position she's in now.

Lightning, Chick, and Francesco, all push their carts to the side and dash out the door. Lightning jumps in the Porsche, followed by Francesco barely squeezing in, as it is a two seater.

Sally steps on the gas and Chick yells in horror of being left. He lunges onto the hood of the car at the last minute, and climbs on the roof over to the window. He squeezes in through the window all while they were leaving the parking lot.

The Walmart people all stare in shock as the rampage drives away.

"Should we call the cops?" An employee asks the manager.

"No, no, I think they had mental issues, I really do. Poor souls, they probably got kicked out of the psycho hospital..."

"Wasn't that Lightning McQueen?"

"TELL me that was Lightning McQueen! Really! He would even shop at Walmart in the first place!"

"As long as they don't come back..."

Everyone filed back into the Walmart, to clean up the mess.

"We earned some bad bruises, but it was all worth it in the end!" Lightning is still laughing.

"So who won?" Asks Francesco.

Sally sighs in an amused way. "Well, no one won really, I mean, I never checked your carts. So... No one gets McDonald's and no one has to dress as a Batman clown."

"But I'm still hungry." Lightning whines.

Sally looks around and spots another Walmart. "McDonald's, any one?"

The three men groan in unison. They never wanted to see another Walmart again.

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Whaddaya think? Please review this, and tell me your favorite parts! Mere's version is the next chapter, and PLEASE read and review that, too! Thank you in advance my favorite cars! #heart.

Walmart (c) Disney Pixar (c)


	2. Chapter 2

Just came up with this today. All characters belong to Pixar, except Walmart employees.

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_**Start Your Shopping Carts!**_

A red dodge viper sped down the highway on a hot July day. In the car were two people. One was the legendary Lightning McQueen, sitting in the driver's seat, thankful for the cold air conditioning blowing through his red hair.  
The other passenger was his girlfriend, Sally Carrera.  
She set her hand on his shoulder.  
"Light, I just remembered I have to pick up a few things at Walmart. Can you stop there?"  
She asked sweetly, knowing he wanted to get home.

Lightning sighed. "Alright." He grumbled, turning into the parking lot.

He looked around at the full parking lot, not seeing a single empty space. He began to circle the lot, complaining in his head. They had been shopping ALL DAY. What more could Sally possibly need to buy? He was tired, it was four in the afternoon, he was hungry, and all these spots were handicapped! Finally he saw one, and turned into it.

"Stickers, this is reserved for the employee of the month." Sally protested, pointing at a white sign in front of them. Lightning just shrugged. Sally sighed and stepped out of the viper.  
"You coming with?" She asked.

He opened his door and got out. "Better than sitting here for three hours."

Together they walked inside. I'm not going to describe what it looks like. It looks like a Walmart.  
Lightning followed Sally around for fifteen minutes, as she gathered frozen foods, paper towels, trash bags and other boring stuff.

"Are we almost done?" Lightning whined. "My feet hurt."

Sally turned to look at him. "Look, I'll be done when I get done."

Lightning sighed and continued to follow her. Then something caught his eye. Chocolate syrup.  
Sally wasn't looking... Lightning picked up the syrup container and placed it in the cart.  
Sally walked over with the cookware she'd been buying and set it in. Then her eyes caught sight of the chocolate. She picked it up with a confused look while Lightning held his breath.  
"Did I put this here?" Sally asked herself quietly. She looked up at her boyfriend. "Lightning McQueen." Sally said, eyes narrowed.

He sighed. "Come on, Sally." he pleaded.

"No." She replied, setting it back on the shelf and shaking her head. "We have enough sweets in the cupboards as it is."

"Getting in some trouble with your girl, McQueen?" A voice asked.

Lightning turned to see Chick Hicks standing there. "Chick?" He asked. "What are you doing here?"

Chick facepalmed. "I'm hunting elephants." He said sarcastically. "Isn't that what everyone does in a shopping center?"

Another voice rang out behind them. "Lightning McQueen! Francesco did not-a expect to see you here."  
Francesco Bernoulli approached them, smiling a celebrity smile.

Lightning sighed. Could this day get worse? He'd just met up with his two biggest rivals in WALMART!

"Is-a McQueen ready to-a be beat in-a the race on Sunday?" Francesco asked tauntingly, referring to a race they were both competing in that week.

"Yeah, McQueen." Chick said. "Ready to lose to me?"

"I could beat both of you in a race any day, any place, anywhere." McQueen said with a superior tone.

Chick grabbed a nearby shopping cart. "Oh really? Well let's see about that."

"In-a the store?" Francesco asked, sounding horrified.

Lightning smiled. "Yeah. Let's do it."

Ten minutes later, Francesco, Chick, and Lightning each stood in the middle aisle, holding a shopping cart. They also each had a shopping list.  
Sally stood in front of them, holding a purple, flower-print shower curtain, the only thing that would suffice for a flag.  
"The rules," Sally began, "Are as follows: On your list are twenty-five items randomly selected by moi. Your mission is to find these items, place them in your cart, and race back to me. Do not get caught by the store manager. do not break anything. And no throwing popcorn at each other, I'm looking at you, Lightning."  
Lightning grinned sheepishly, and Sally continued.

"Whoever is back here first with their twenty-five items, wins. Winner gets anything they want to order from McDonald's, plus all fame, bragging rights, and glory.  
Loser has to wear a Batman costume and clown makeup, walking around town singing Rascal Flatts songs."  
Sally stepped back and lifted the shower curtain. "Gentlemen... Start Your Shopping Carts!"

Sally watched in amusement as the three rivals took off, riding the carts like scooters.

~Lightning~  
"Speed. I am speed!" Lightning said to himself. He looked down at his list. The first item. Bananas. That wasn't so bad.  
Then he realized something. Sally had put the first item on the opposite side of the store. Speed. He told himself again.  
He set his right foot on the ground, his left perched on the cart, and he used his right to push himself forward towards the other side of the supermarket.  
As he drove (steered, idk) past people, he got quite a few strange looks. He didn't care. There was no way he was going to lose this race.

~Chick~  
Chick placed the bananas in his cart and looked down at the next item.  
Spongebob squarepants season 1 DVD boxed set. He shook his head and drive to electronics, passing Lightning on the way.  
Chick looked up to see that electronics and movies was right past women's clothing. The fastest way to get there would be to cut right through.  
He took off down the aisles, passing T-shirts pajamas, and a lot of confused women.  
Suddenly, a shooting pain went through his right leg.  
"Ouch! Leg cramp!" he said as he swerved off the aisle and crashed right into a clothing rack.  
Chick heard a bunch of female screams, and that's when he opened his eyes. To see that he had crashed into a rack of... Underwear and bras.  
They were scattered all over the floor and over him.  
He sighed and stood up, red faced. He grabbed his cart and began to walk away from the aisle, when he looked at his list and saw that number fifteen was a size triple D bra.  
Awkward... He thought, turning back to the aisle, where all the women still stood, looking shocked.

~Francesco~  
Francesco had gathered the DVD set and the bananas. He had to admit, Signorina Sally had been very creative in the choosing of items. He looked down at number three. Oh Father God in Heaven, help me. He thought.  
Number three was a pregnancy test kit.  
He didn't even know where to begin looking for one of those. Pharmacy?  
He began wheeling his shopping cart in that direction, when he saw Lightning's cart headed straight towards his.  
Francesco did the only thing he could to avoid a crash. He swerved to the side and straight into a rack of... Whoopie Cushions. Needless to say, half of the store heard the loud sound emitted from them.  
Francesco flushed with embarrassment as Lightning sped past, but then smiled when he realized something. Whoopie Cushions- number eight.  
Upon Lightning realizing this also, he screeched to a stop and picked one up.

"Thank you." He said, then sped away.

~Sally~  
Sally looked down at her watch. She'd been standing there for twenty minutes, when she heard the sound of a thousand whoopie cushions. Well, somebody found them.  
She had been hearing crashes and screams, and was wondering what was going on. Well, they'd be back soon. Hopefully.

~Lightning~

Lightning had gathered the first eight items. In his cart now sat Bananas, A spongebob squarepants DVD set, a pregnancy test kit, (he had no idea why Sally had put that on there, but hoped she wasn't planning on using it), a package of Gummi Bears, A fluffy lamp, tampons, (He had actually been able to grab those unobserved by anybody, thus avoiding embarrassment.), Pop Tarts, and a whoopie cushion. He was in the very back of the store. So far no employees or managers had come after him. All was going well.  
He looked down at his list. number nine was a ceiling fan. What the heck, Sally?

~Chick~  
Chick had found the ten of the items, not in order. He looked down at his list. Pink nail polish, number 13.  
What the heck, Sal? How did she come up with half of this stuff?  
He began walking towards cosmetics, but realized he was right next to hardware. He looked at the list again. Number nine. Ceiling fan.  
Chick rushed into the aisle and grabbed a ceiling fan assembly box, placed it in his cart, then heard the screeching of wheels. He looked up to see Lightning's cart headed straight towards him.  
Chick quickly swerved out of the way, but accidentally knocked over a display of screwdrivers with a CRASH!  
Run fast, run fast! He told himself.

~Francesco~  
Francesco was looking all over for a singing toy hamster. He'd been circling the toy aisle for five minutes, but then he heard something in the one beside him. He looked around the corner to see Lightning with his back to him, holding a red RC car remote, steering it back and forth around the aisle. Francesco got a plan. He reached into his cart and grabbed a handful of Gummi bears, then threw them forcefully at Lightning's back.  
Lightning, startled, turned and grabbed a light saber. He began to advance towards Francesco.  
Francesco dived for one that was on display and he pointed it at Lightning.

"You shall-a not win this one, McQueen." He said, slashing it at his opponent.

Lightning blocked the move. "We shall see, Francesco."

Suddenly, they heard approaching voices and footsteps. They exchanged a panicked glance, then dropped the sabers, and made a run for it.

~Sally~  
Sally was still waiting on the men to return. From the overhead intercom she was hearing thinkers such as 'cleanup on aisle 10' and more.  
She heard wheels screeching and she looked over to see Lightning speed into another aisle. Dork. She thought, leaning against a shelf.  
Just then she heard authoritative steps approaching. She turned quickly to see the manager walking in the direction that Lightning had just turned. Create a diversion, she told herself.  
She ran up to the manager, attempting to look panicked, and crossing her legs.

"Sir, do you have a tampon, cause I need one NOW!" she pleaded.

~Lightning~  
Twenty minutes later, all the men only had one or two more items to find. For Lightning, he only had to find a baby bib. He rushed towards the baby aisle, and spotted one more, sitting on the shelf. He ran to grab it, but just before he could, it was grabbed away by Chick Hicks.  
They began wrestling each other for it. Anyone who saw them would have assumed them to be absolutely nutso.  
Chick accidentally shoved Lightning too hard, and Lightning flew into a baby stroller, that rolled backwards at an alarming speed. Finally it stopped because it hit a display of feather pillows. Feathers flew into the air with a 'Woosh'.

After Lightning regained his senses, he looked back over at the baby rack. A bib had slipped under it. Lightning blew a feather out of his mouth, Then lunged for it.

~Chick~  
Chick had one item left. He looked down at his list. Number six. Tampons. He stated at the list for a minute. What did that even mean? He'd never even heard the word tampon before. Better find an employee. He looked to his left to see a tall man with black hair putting away items.  
Chick approached him. "Excuse me, Sir, where are the tampons?"

The man gave him a strange look. "They're in an aisle over there." He said.

Chick sighed. "Can you take me to them?"

The man Continued looking at him strangely. "Are they for your wife?" He asked.

"I'm not married."

"Are they for your girlfriend?"

"I don't have one." Chick said, beginning to get aggravated. "Look, I need them now. Please take me to them."

The man led Chick to an aisle, and gestured for him to enter it. "They're in the back." The employee said, then walked away, shaking his head and muttering "sick psycho."

Chick walked to a display labeled tampons, then he realized what they were. "Oh, I am going to kill her."

~Francesco~  
One item left and he was the winner! He thought, rushing towards pharmacy. He needed to find constipation medicine. He didn't care, he had to win this.  
He ran up to an employee.

"Can I help you?" She asked brightly.

He nodded. "I need-a constipation medication." He told her. "Hurry, or I'll-a have to wear-a a batman costume, makeup, and-a sing Rascal Flatts-a's songs."

For reasons Francesco couldn't understand, she gave him a very strange look.

~Sally~  
Sally stood in silence, waiting. They'd been gone for forty five minutes. Finally she heard shouts and screeches, so she lifted the shower curtain.  
She saw Francesco, Lightning, and Chick, all with carts filled to the brim, rushing towards her.  
Then it happened.  
One of the cart's wheels flew off and somehow they all ended up in the floor with a deafening 'BANG!CRASH!CLATTER!'

"And all I ask is this;" The manager said to the four people in his office. "That you never set foot in my Walmart again."  
Sally, Lightning, Francesco, and Chick all nodded in agreement, then filed out the door.  
They'd just gotten done with a twenty minute long lecture by the manager.  
They'd had to clean up from the shopping cart mess and pay for the damage. No one won, no one lost.  
Once outside, they prepared to part ways.  
Francesco, Lightning, and Chick all had a look in their eyes. Yeah, they'd gotten in trouble, but... That was really fun.

"Do this again sometime?" Lightning asked, saying what they were all thinking.  
They all looked at each other. Maybe they would do this again someday. Maybe...

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Awesome. Thank you for reading! Please review!


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